All your trash from the Hash- Fart Fun Hash House Harriers!!!

Oh, I don’t know, really. I was just thinking about the shortage of Asians in northern Colorado and I started to miss them, and then I met this new Hasher at the last Fort Collins Hash on Saturday, “Just Mike.” There must not be any REI’s or Gart Sports in China, because he was wearing a collared shirt under his super-duper-thick cotton sweatshirt, but I do know one thing: It’s been my experience that there’s always more to an Asian man than meets the eye, and this guy was no exception. His orange glasses looked more “Made in Taiwan” than Rin Tin Tits’ orange glasses (did they call each other before the hash?) and he had other groovy sh*t going on. I will not divulge, lest you cling to him at the next hash so he has to shake you off, but he did remind me of a certain Rumson hasher, in that he had a certain bit of Hash gold hidden away.

Actually, when I first tried to catch his name, it sounded more like “Sambo” so I shrieked, “Sambo?! Sambo is your hash name?! That’s terrific!” and then he got a pained look (I’m used to that) and he changed it to “Just Mike.” Someone intervened and explained to me that he didn’t have a hash name yet, and I said “How about Sambo?” and Just Mike got that pained look again and I finally had a new cause to champion. We’ll catch up with Just Mike at the end of the run to see what the hash gods decided should be his name.

DWABWAD, Snowjob and Sambo were actually the hares on this fine day. The three of them work together, actually, in that dubious thing we call “weather,” and one of them is the boss, but since the Hash is supposedly egalitarian or communist, I forget which, I will not divulge this information.

The hash stared at that funky bar/restaurant called Ozkar’s in Lyons, where they serve up their own Dale’s Pale Ale. Who is this Dale guy, and will he be accused of having a bigger ego than me? Certainly not by this girl, as he graciously allowed me do his write-up! Then we bought our “Forest-Gimp Green” FCH3 sweatshirts from Sweatshirt Boy, Head Eunich, fretted about whether to wear them before the run, during the run, or after the run, changed a few times, then committed to something half-assed, and we were off!!

We went up and down through the snow and blissful shiggy. We hit a turkey/eagle split and the eagle headed up the side of a hill. DinosaurAss ran ahead and yelled “FALSE!” and I almost turned back, but then I decided to investigate it for myself, since he was wearing shorts in the snow (that’s my new rule). Now, supposedly, the shorts revealed pubic hair tinged with silver, but I wasn’t studying that region quite so intently as the Informant, who was probably just jealous because his wife won’t let him wear shorts! Ha!! And Hee Hee for good measure.

Oh, speaking of perverted dumb asses, Head Eunich (HE) ran through the false and kept going and going and going and then turned up well after the beer check, running toward us. I think this made DWABWAD’s day, as he puffed up his chest and revealed that he had successfully “Head Eunich-Proofed” the trail.

This made for good down downs, as HE was ready to drink some beers and everyone drank for lots of crimes.

We had a visit from the Ranger, who recognized us as hashers. She confirmed with us that we were just drinking 3.2 beer (ya right! We had more Dale Perry’s Pale Ale) and then noticed the stacks of cans of Chubs over in the corner. When she called us on it, HE piped up and said, “That’s why it’s all the way over there!” Well, I guess ya’ had to be there, but she was cool and let us resume.

When it came time for the naming, unfortunately, my bladder kicked in and so I exited with Just Mike before putting my 2 cents in again about my bid for Sambo and the rest is history. Just Mike will now forever be known to the hash as “Who Flung Dung,” but a couple of us may still fondly recall him as Sambo, or “Fow Owaaaah” (4 Hour?) if you’re Head Eunich. It was decided at a happy hour that just plain old “Mike” would have been a very good hash name for him, too! Sorta like Greg Brady.

The On After was again at Ozkar’s, where we drank more Dale Perry’s Pale Ale and we lost some fellas and the adorable Can’t Say No to a hockey game L But LayOver held down the fort among all the remaining boys and I had a crab cake sandwich, which was absolutely delish.

Here’s to another wonderfully sh*tty hash!

Hash Guest Bartender, 11/18/2004

by Triple Tongue (or is it Tongue-Tongue-Tongue) and Knee Deep in Brown Stuff...

Last Night's MS benefit featuring the bartending stylings of Forrest Gimp was alot of fun. Lucky Joe's Saloon did a great job hosting and was most generous with the drink coupons. However I was disappointed in Forrest's beer pouring ability. I was expecting sloshing and spilling and general mishandling of our sacred beverage. I saw not a drop spilled on the bar room floor by our esteemed Forrest.

Knee Deep and I did our best to embarass the Denver Hash, but alas, we are only two drinkers and one of us had to drive the car back to Denver. (I still don't remember which one of us did). Next year we need even more Denver Hashers to make the trip to Ft. Fun for this fun and worthy event.

Thanks Forrest and thanks Lucky Joe's and all the other Hashers and friends who showed up last night. It was a great time.

KDiBS & TTT

Hash #20, 9/29/2004

by F Gimp...

Back by physical threats, and at least some arm twisting from Free Busch, the Hash Trash from Saturdays FCH3 #20.

So, there were these five hounds in a Saturn Vue, and Pig Pimp douched her nose with her water bottle. Wait what was the punch line?

Oh,yeah, So, there were these five hounds in a Saturn Vue, and Pig Pimp started choking on the same water bottle while holding up a finger. Wait what was the punch line? Ah, fugg it....

While the eunuch's were off suffering in the family way, Spermes decided to do the same for our brave hares. After reassigning his co-haring responsibilities to a six-foot drunk rabbit named Just Harvey ( click here for photos of Spermes and his Hare), he watched as the hounds that arrived huddled beneath the GimpWagon's Hatch door to avoid all the hail/rain that was washing away Spermes meticulously laid trial. Kip, ol' boy, where were ye?!?!? Finally, in a break from the hail, Pylon, Pig Pimp, Twice Daily, Short Dick@Law (local hero), HumpaGump, Little Head/SYM all ran off in the direction the flour was flowing away in, with Pyro and Spitz pulling out shortly afterwards, while yours truly waited to see if any other late bloomers would show. The hills went high, the flour went low, and whistles came from everywhere while the hounds tried to find the marks, and Spermes tried to find his beer check. Finally, Little Head/FRB, trying to see how far his singing skills would echo, led the rest of the hounds to the circle. Gratefully, no 911 calls were made for Pig Pimp and her scarring. Gimp showed off his amateur circle status while Humpa filled in as Beer-frau, confusing Pyro and Pylon's names so much during accusations, almost no one noticed Twice and Short's perpetual private partying. Little head and Spermes competed endlessly for songs as the accusations flew, and flew, and flew, but finally it was over. But not before Pig Pen showed off her tribal scars from the FHHH the previous week, along with her lacy ladies. Then all who wanted to see drank, followed by all who didn't. or was it the other way. Needless to say, the trees were well watered.

On to Potbellies, where the name matches the clientele. No one remembers much of that 'cept SYM thought the waitress has hot for him, and Pylon debated the wisdom of leaving a tassel of sixteen year old's at his house. Needless to say, there was much drinking, cholesterating, and drinking, with a little drinking thrown in for variety. That, and one stinky ass bathroom.

Hash #19, PreLube, 9/2/2004

from F Gimp's muddled mind

Hares: Can't Say No & Atlanta Harriet

Virgins: Just Aaron, Just Erin.

Hounds: Dick with a Bitch with a Dick, Forrest Gimp, Little Head, Just Aaron, Just Erin, Banana Rider, Free Busch, A whole bunch of freaksa from Atlanta, inc. Boner, De-Boner, Fire-Thighs, the shaft, Friendly Thighs

Trail: A way up north, down the way from Chateau Eunuch, we all were surprised to hear Eunuch now had Tonsilitis in additon to all his other woes.

An honary award was given to Eunuch pointing out that the Head had been Injury free for X minutes, then the hounds were off on a half dead half live hare. But we've always known that.

Ober the hill, and through the trails the hashers they did go, looking for some ones grandma to blow. Actually, didn't get that bad. Except the the dogs.

Beer check was made at a college aparmtment complex by west nile infested ponds where we blended in with college students drinking beer in their midst. We'll, invisible college students. While Gimp distracted the hounds wit hthe beer, the hare's ran off to finish the trail leading to Pitcher's. The bar, Half-mind, not just Pitcher's of beer.

So as not to offend the geriatric Clientele that late at night, circle was had in the smoking section/patio. Oh, many a smoker quit smoking by the time we were done. Either because of the accustions, or the dueling singing from Atlanta and LH.

On-On to Invihash.

Hash #18, 8/2/2004

again from F Gimp's muddled mind

Hares: Aunt Bee, the Just Jergens

Virgins: Just Amy, just too many too remember right now

Hounds: Can't Say No, Head Eunuch, Dick with a Bitch with a Dick, Forrest Gimp, Little Head, Magically Delicious, Twice Daily,Banana Rider, HumpaGump, Just Amy, Spitz, Pyro, Pile On (w/Tex), Chucky Cheeks, and more

Trail: Starting out from Little Head's Breakfast site, the trails went pound ing once more through the streets of Old Town. The hares led them through streets and slleys, and as Gimp and Just Bergen sat at the Beer Check, half waved at them, and ran right on by, while the other half paid half-a-mind and ignored them. From there the trail went somewhere, depending on who you followed, so we'll get to the improtant part, the next bee check. MD's Dad graciously allowed the hounds to imbibe behind his gallery, in return for a bribe of beer. Finally, all the hounds were together again, with half po'd they missed the first beer. On their way again the hounds ran round the railyard, getting hard on to find the trail again to the end behind the CSU Alt Energy campus. Circle ensued, with the accustaions flowing faster than the cheapest beer Gimp could con from the liqour store, and a renaming was issued, since SOMEONE couldn't remember his dammned name. On after to the Steak Out, where much driniking, eating and virgins flirting with Just Amy while Aunt Bee tried his best to do James Dean impersonations.

Hash #17, 7/31/2004

by F Gimp...

Ah, so much for the FC3H Lonely Hound Hash.

Short Version, one word per hound

blue butts hangover river New Belgium jello shots bbq chalk-art Lots-o-Loft.

Long Version, One Wordy Hare

A bitchingly hot day was had by all as the sun beat down on the remaining blue moon hangovers from the previous night, but trail, or something, got laid.

After admiring the deer spread 'cross Spit Ends car, the pack readied. A squinty and staggering start led the hopeless half minds through the streets of downtown fort fun, blue buns getting honks from a few cars as the hangovers kicked over, and getting hit by a car started looking good as opposed to the trail. The hares led the hounds through the old town neighborhoods, without one Rodney King for the flour on the ground, though Humpagump did get in a long, detailed, yet unknown debate with a homeowner who spoke no English. If someone knows better pantomime for hashing, let her know.

On-on to the west nile infested river, where skeeter's were doing down-downs with deet. A few hounds became labradors while they lay down in the river to cool for the over, then shook it off and finished to the beer check at New Belgium, lit by Gimp's Tilley, where cold water outside and cool AC and free beer inside helped hashers with the hair of the dog.

The hares then led the pack through a sidewalk art festival, hiding their dots in the art, running them through a teaser in Lucky Joe's, with a false start into the Town Pump, where Split Ends tripped into the bar yelling on-on, before the shots could be handed. Another short led to the circle at HumpaGump and Forrest Gimp's house, through the park. While Poopa tried to tease everyone with her tantric stretching, hounds displayed their mushroom knowledge-less, and Just Say No took her clothes off while everyone waited on Humpagump, who was waiting for herself at the Town Pump. Brats on the barbie finished off the keg of beer, and we all said goodbye to 'Just Beth", and Hello "Banana Rider."

Hash # 11, 1/24/2004

Hares: Head E and Begging 4 It

Where: SouthWest Fort Collins

Hounds: Can't Say No, Beaujalyame, Just Brant, Just Doree, Free Bush, Sloppy Droppings, Chucky Cheeks, Rin Tin Tits, Little Head,Dick with a Bitch with a Dick, Just Beth, Just Debbie, et alia.

Virgins: Just Beth and Just Debbie

Trail stared out at Safeway on Drake and ended at Begging 4 It's abode. Pictures on Web.

Per Chucky

fort collins had a longer, less scenic run and stayed zigzagging thru neighborhood streets 4 about 7 miles or so. i like the rule that marathon runners HAVE 2 hare with old, injured, beer bellied, chain smokers with a hangover. that usually works.

Hash #10, 12/2?2003

by Sperm Crawler

Run number 10 of the Fort Collins H3 was held in the beautiful, lush, gentle rolling hillsides of Greeley, Colorado. Okay, maybe not lush, more freakin' desert like terrain with cow crap and goose sh*t everywhere. Come on, its Greeley. It wouldn't be Greeley unless there was some cow patties!!!! How do you get there, you may ask! Go north until you smell Greeley, then east til you step in the crap. I know, I shamelessly stole this prose from some damn comedian out there. Remember, I am a hasher, therefore only a half a mind! Embellishment is not only allowed, but also highly encouraged.

The hares, U.S.S Itch and me (yep that'd be Sperm Crawler)laid a trail along the cow-patty laden Poudre River Trail. The hounds, which numbered about 18 or so showed up for this gala cowtown event. Most notable, Spitz.cum with the michelin man in tow (Pyro, you had to be there for the circle), Sloppy Droppings, Sinbad, Speedbump, Le Skin Flute, Head Eunuch, Can't Say No, No Bus(c)h, Little Head, Orally, Twice Daily, Titty Titty Bang Bang and his two Virgins, Triple tongue, Short Dick@law, and Stitch Bitch. If I left any one off of this impressive A-list tough sh*t. Most notably absent: BeaujoLayMe and Begging4it. I guess they have their priorities messed up due to the holiday season. Go figure! They will drink at the next event because of their poor indiscretions...

The temperature was suppose to be around 60 degrees, NOT! The temperature warmed up to a balmy 45 degrees, just enough to make the goosesh*t and cowsh*t get mushy and slippery. Not to be confused with mushy Slippery Rock College! True trail went out of the trailhead parking lot northwest for a bit then circled around to the east along the Poudre River. Two river crossings, through a white

trash neighborhood of 3/4 million dollar or greater homes, then further east to a beer check out in the prairie "on golden pond". Then round two of the hash run. Go East young man. I know that must be some type of proclamation! Some local brethren must have coined that phrase. Work with me people!! Up and around the school and through a field or two. Then through a newly contructed home site. Finally, up the asphalt trail, laden with thousands of goosesh*t droppings. The HHH was just around the corner at the Coyote Grill. Everyone made it except Twice Daily. Can you say: Lost on trail!

I received a voice message on my cell from Twice Daily, saying she was at a liquor store and heading west to Raffety's Bar. I went and rounded her up, hog tied her, rastled with her, and rode her... oh never mind, too much information. We returned in a few minutes to circle up and put some beers away. U.S.S. Itch and I drank for the usual 'crappy' trail. The the two laywers, speedbump and ShortDick@law had to defend each side of the issue. Should No Bus(c)h drink for her minor attrition, no freakin' beer for the hash! And damn the luck, I was the Jury!.. G-u-i-l-l-t-y. Notice I said NO Bus(c)h. For two hashes, she is not to be known as FFFF Bus(c)h, but No Bus(c)h. Well as any circle goes, we drank to Zippy. Yes he got kicked around again. afterall this is a cowboy town. Head Eunuch and Can't Say No drank for FRBs. Twice Daily for DFL, getting lost on trail and any other thing we could think of. The two virgins drank for their misguiding deeds, showing up to a hash.. Got to admit, they definitely had a 'we'd better run and hide'or 'get out of town quick' look on their faces once the songs began. Sooner or later every one drank for just about anything under the Greeley sun. Closed the circle with Swing Low. Some hashers rode off into the sunset instead of eating some grub and vittles with the remainder of the herd at the Coyote Grill. Uss Itch, great trail Pardner.

on out until next month's run

Hash #9, 11/29/2003

by sperm crawler

Fort Collins run number 9 was hared by DwaBwaD and Pile-on in the Loveland area, specifically Simpson's Wildlife area. The pack of hounds arrived to a windy and warm 55 degree day. We had some new folks to the FCH3 run, Shaft and Titty Titty Bang Bang, just Carl and Just Doree. Some returning folks, Keeps IT Up, Knees Up, Sloppy Dropping, Rosebud and GreenPiece, Speedbump made it.

About 20 or so hounds took off around the ponds complete with hunters and shotguns going off most of the day. The first water crossing was DEEP!!!!! Around the ponds went then through some swamp land with tall cattails.

After the pack split up, some of us made it to the beer check, some found the HHH end (no beer either) while others just got lost. After consuming our favorite beverages at the beer check, we all took off and then things got interesting. The pack took off on a very long Back Check along a mining pit road. Can You Say PRIVATE PROPERTY!!!!! Which back check was never solved. Then if it isn't Mr. Ranger who usually visits us at a Fart Collins hash, it was Mr. Irrate Private Property Owner. Who decided to kick all of us off his property. Can You Say PISSED OFF!!!! While Wimp and I were out in the hinter lands trying to solve the back check, Mr. Irrate Property Onwer wanted to tie up GreenPiece. Now I must admit, GreenPiece tied up does conjure up some interesting thoughts. Then comes Rosebud to the rescue. After some shouting and the possibility of some fistacuff action by Rosebud, the pack left his property. We all ran two blocks to the end and told stories of the pissed off property owner. Let's see, last week its Triple Tongue and his forced exit from the Breckenridge, this week its Rosbud ready to do battle over his potentially tied up sweetie. Where's a Lawyer when you need one, eh Speedbump?!

Well, then we all drank for various crimes against the hash, to include last out of the toilet (one large shot of a hot n nasty cinnamon schnapps went to just Carl. As usual, we toasted to Zippy, and he got kicked around again... Closed the circle and went to LoneStar Steakhouse for some real food! thus another successful FCH3 run.

Hash #8, 10/25/2003

by Chucky...

The Fart Collins hash met in a bar parking lot west of the big horsetooth reservoir then shuttled by the hares, we were transported even further up the side of horsetooth mountain 4 the beginning. the second wave of carpoolies were quite surprised when we arrived 2 find the first wave already gone, the bastards. so we caught them and past them :P and regrouped at the beer near. the trail was a very scenic up and down excursion over some very challenging terrain. We hashed rite thru the center of the park past incredible overlooks. a very well marked trail (with a few hard core falsies 2 screw with the FRBs :) kept us busy 4 awhile. orally twice daily and call girl decided that regardless of where the trail led, it was gonna end up atop horsetooth ridge. they did, it didn't and we didn't c them til much later! after the search party was sent out of course. FREEBUSCH lost her virgin AGAIN! and the virgin drove off without even a beer. gotta hate when we lose virgins! but I m getting ahead of myself. after the beer check it was a short, downhill jaunt, crossed a bridge, thru some fields, along roads paved and some not, back 2 the grill were we started. the management was smart 2 keep us outside. as the sun dropped so did the temps and a bundled up pack circled around $5.00 burgers with fries, happy hour priced pitchers and another hilarious FCH3 circle up. the guilty harriettes

"Can't Say No" and "beajuaLAY ME" (spelling?) did a great job.

Hash #7, 9/20/2003

By Chucky:

the carpools were in full swing 4 every1 2 go 2 the ft collins hash sat. 2 visiting hashers from atlanta (Dipstick and Dribbles) laid a shiggy filled, slimy water, ft collins style hash (without ANY help from the FtCH3 mismanagement... YEAH RITE!)... :P a few virgins (Just Melody, Just Loren, Just Jean) joined in 4 the chase and we ended at diamonds, depends ol' favorite hangout. we took over the deck and drank, ate and sang in the sun and watched the CSU Rams fans pimp by with all the cheer of a funeral procession. (they lost by almost 40 points :)

Hash #6, 8/30/2003

It rained.

Love,

Sloppy

GreenPiece Version:

As one would believe, the Ft. Collins hash was indeed "sloppy" but lots of beer (long circle) rained at the on after. The hares were quite gracious for a re-laid, visible trail, and the hounds were expectedly ungracious in return (lots of down-downs for the hares). Lots of virgins, virgins to Ft. Collins, re-boots, etc. Thanks to Low Life + DD for bringing out so many folks! Some special male hashers received special treatment from the regular patrons (painted toe/finger nails), and some special female hashers received special treatment as well (Prize: use of the "bush garden" as a bathroom -- pointed out IMMEDIATELY by one of our houndettes).

Truly was a great day, and thanks for ride share KU - Thanks to the hares, the FCH3, and to Head Eunich honoring us with an appearance (joking!) --

GreenPiece

PS. We should've done honorary down-downs for the Gunnison /CoTex folks who couldn't joining us!

Crawler version:

Sloppy Droppings and GreenPiece, thanks for the great hash trash. The gods were great to us on run #6, lots of rain and then it rain and I think it rained again...

1.Fond memories: Sloppy Droppings, hare in abstentia, AGAIN!

2. Zippy getting kick and stepped on by Twice Daily.

3. Knees Up for attend all of the FCH3 runs to date. Way to Go thanks!

4. JJ's lounge for letting us sing our hearts out..

5. Frickin' rain and having to lay the trail again..

6. Head Eunuch finally showed up.. said he was late because of WORK! Yikes, what is this work sh*t..

7. The visitors and newbies, Just Linda, Night Stroker, Double D and all of you other denverites..

8. Birdman with stitches enough said!

9. Night Stroker and her 07 shirt.

10. NO Keeps It Up!!!!

On Out

Your hares respectfully

Sperm crawler/ Twice Daily/ Non dairy creamer

Hash # 5, 7/26/2003

By Chucky

a pleasant drive 2 carter lake (south/west of ft collins) 4 another ft C hash. a goodly pack arrived

at the windjammer inn 4 some pre hash carbo loading, then off in the heat 2 follow trail. much up and down and many a falls due 2 the rocky terrrain that mostly parrelled the western shore. most colorado hashes were represented which is always good 2 c. a very spirited circle ensued and afterwards the crowd returned 2 the windjammer 4 more suds, songs and scaring away of civilians. a very scenic trail laid by head unich and company. c u next month ft collins h3 on-on.

and to follow up

From: "William Wade"

Date: Sun Jul 27, 2003 9:24 pm

Subject: Hash weekend

C'mon guys, I'm not as young as I used to be. First the Ft. Collins crowd ran me through 90 degree heat and a festival of rocks (thanks for reinjuring my hamstring pull) and didn't even let me sing a down-down song. KIU

Hash #4 6/29/2003

by Crawler

Fort Collins H3 run number 4 began on the west side of Fort Collins, near the Horsetooth reservoir. About 20 plus hounds showed up for a run that was hared by yours truly, Sperm Crawler and Ultrawimp. The Kimchi Hashers from Colorado Springs showed up enmasse. I know I will forget some of you, but here goes. Nutin but Net, C4 (awesome), Floater, Far from F*ckin', Cack in the box, and many more (sorry, I can't remember all those names). Hounds such as Keeps it Up, Beaujoulayme, Begging for

it, Poopa, Salt Lick, Le Skin Flute, Just Kat, Little Head, Head Eunuch, Can't say no, Knees Up, Pile On, and Sloppy Droppings rounded out the pack. Excellent weather was provided by the RA. And as always, it wouldn't be a Sperm Crawler trail without a visit from Mr. Ranger. Yeah Baby!!!!

First off, every body followed the hares, past a False and kept going. Never, Never follow the hares!! Eventually the pack went back to the start and found true trail. Up the side of the first foothills, through the stickers. The trail went up to the rim above Horsetooth Reservoir and the was a beer check overlooking the lake. Trail went down towards the lake to a view check with the local artwork on the sides of the rock walls. For those that continued on true trail, the trail went through a hole in the rocks. The trail went on and on and on till it got to the end in Cottonwood Glen Park.

1. Thanks to all of the Kimchi Hashers for running with us.

2. Keeps it Up.. He's been to all four runs!!

3. Stickers in my shoes.. I still am picking those dam things out of my shoes.

4. Dead deer on trail!.. Honestly wimp and I had nothing to do with that!

5. Mr. Ranger, again... running on a closed trail, big frickin' deal...

6. lots of beer at the on in...

7. A naming.. Say goodbye to just Kat, say Hello to U.S.S. Itch. Welcome aboard Mate....She'd be happy to guide your ship into her port any day...

8. Sloppy Droppings a surrogate hare so to speak. This was suppose to be sloppy's trail.

9. all the Kimchi Hashers.. you guys (and gal) are a hoot!!! Your momma doesn't wear any drawers, a zig a zog a ziggidty zog...

10. Head Eunuch singing (or is it rapping) to the Kimchi Hashers, a zig a zog a........

11. Crimes against the hash,, poopa, pile on, Keeps it Up and everybody else that didn't get nailed earlier...

12.. OHHHHH I am gonna hurt tomorrow at the red dress run!!! So is Wimp!!!!

Next run is last Saturday of July, your hare will be Pile On

Hash #3, 05/31/03

by sperm crawler FORT COLLINS H3 run number 3

Some hash trash for those of you who made it to another exciting run in Fort Collins. The hares, Can't Say No and Head Eunuch set trail on the west side of town in the gentle, rolling, no rocks, no trees, no hills, no cactus and no snakes foothills along the glorious Horsetooth reservoir. The pack met at Cottonwood Glen park and consisted of your normal half-minds such as the Up's twins (Keeps it Up and Knees Up), StumpF*cker, Triple Tongue, Chucky Cheeks, Just Kat, Little Head, Just

Betsy, Just Pat (the Frenchman who like brussel sprouts!), Split Enz, Pyro, Spitz.com, some hasher from Iowa and his two newbies (Bud Bundy I think. I know its hard to believe there are hashers in Iowa) and probably some others that I am missing.

Well, the trail went here and there, up and up and then we went up! After reach the furthest point of UP, we had beer. And it was good beer. Little Head ran the trail backwards and met the pack of hounds at the beer check. After the beer check, we went down, then down some more through the ankle biting rocks. The weather changed to the delight of the RA (that'd be me!!!!) The RA provided for excellent weather, to include lightning, hail and heavy rain. Just Kat thought the water was a good

idea, I guess seeing how she's Navy all the way! I do recall Just Kat saying her lungs hurt as we were starting out on trail. Chucky Cheeks responded by saying they looked just fine. Anchors Aweigh, I'll second that!

The run ended where we began. At the park in the pouring rain. The on in was at the hares new home. We held the circle in their lower level. Let's see, there were a couple of namings. Just Betsy, who drank too much red wine the night before and was very, very slow on trail. So someone (triple tongue think) in the pack came up with Beajoulayme or some spelling which closely resembles it. Then came the frenchman, Just Pat who wanted be named. We sent him out two or three time and came up

with 'begging for it". Although I personally liked "almost French". You had to be there for this naming.

Some notable crimes against the hash down downs: Head Eunuch for his over achieving wall of fame, StumpF*cker for strolling through the neighborhood, Bud Bundy for not singing a song, Little Head for his birthday (again), then a down down for those who did some sort of over achieving events in the past two weeks. The circle was closed and we all headed to Pitchers for the on after. Wow, where do I begin. Let's see, the first words out of the waitress was we had to behave ourselves! Now with only a half mind, come on!!!!!!!! Behave ourselves----I THINK NOT. Songs we sung and even the two civilians at the nearby table joined in. Copious amounts of Fat Tire beer was consumed. Then the evening festivities began. Karaoke by Little Head and Head Eunuch. Boys, do not give up your day jobs just yet! You guys suck!!!!! The night went on and on, then Head Eunuch and I called it quits around 2300 hours. Another great run in Fort Collins! The next run will be the last Saturday of June. More information to follow.

Hash #2 4/27/2003

by Dick With A Bitch With A Dick

Wankers...

Well, another successful Ft Collins hash in the record books.

The hares, Can't Get Any and Lil Shit laid a great trail. I have never seen such a fine trail in all my life. But there was much whining and such going about because the hounds couldn't find the beer check. Waa, waa,waaaa!! There was beer, and no Dinosoreass, the beer check wasn't the end. You still

had a little ways to go yet.

Lil Shit and I had a great laugh at the hounds navigating the fence line out of the irrigation ditch. Seeing Wimp doing cartwheels over the fence was a hoot.

I'm still kinda foggy and dazed from the on-after, but here's some highlights:

- there was beer

- there was trail

- Lil Shit hurled up his Good Times lunch after his first series of Down-Downs

- The Hares took two Down-Downs for basically laying two hashes

- Just Trace got renamed to "Pile-on"

- The Hares took Down-Downs for not having beer at the end. Even though one of the hares had to sweep for three wayward souls... Poopatrooper, Pump Me Dump Me, and Butt Floss, the latter two

visiting Hares. These Hares also took Down-Downs for being such DFLs.

- Butt Floss showed everyone at the on-after how he got named. I swear there's a pink elephant in there somewhere.

- The Circle ended up in a church parking lot. Once all the Saturday evening goers started arriving, we had to beat feet outta there and continue on at the on-after.

- Can't Get Any got renamed at the on-after: Dick With a Bitch With a Dick.

I'm sure there is more, but I can't remember anything more.

Be sure to come to the next Ft Collins Hash May 31, where Can't Say No will make all the hounds cry for mercy.

Chucky's version of May 2003

sat-the southwestern carpool association headed 2 ft collins 4 hash #2 of the resserructed hash #4. it started out as a perfect weather day with headenuchs and can't say no already accomplished trail. The trail was challenging with 1 big uphill section. But the terrain was varied, good shiggy, open pastures, thru the woods, over some minor bouldering finally 2 a scenis beer check atop ft collins. the pack double timed enroute 2 the end as the lighting, hail and downpour ensued.

the hares relocated the on-in 2 their home and we renamed just pat, a belgium gent "begging 4 it" and

some hungover babe "boijoulayme" (spelling). eventually we were kicked out and went 2 pitchers 4

more beers and songs and great food and a pretty cool waitress amy. we recruited some locals and were on r way. did we pay?

Hash #1 for FC H3 3/8/2003

by sperm crawler and twice daily

Head (I know, who said head)

Twice Daily and I thank all of you half minds for showing up at the FCH3 run yesterday. My head still hurts, I know it can't be from the Fat Tire I drank!!! Somewhere close to 32 hashers showed up to play on the plains of Fort Collins. No shiggy, no water crossings and ugly views of the moountains.

Let me see, my recollection of the day and morning gets foggy somewhere after the second down down.

1. Non Dairy, me and Head E pre-lubing before the hash!

2. Golly Mr. Park Ranger, we're only hashers with only a half-of-mind!!

3. The gods were good to us, sunshine and high winds, and a mile long dirt road.

4. drinking more beer.

5. watching 'bitch with a dick" piss on the hay bale!!!

6. drink more beer.

7. pinapple-orange cookies, now that's a real treat!

8. drink more beer, Semper Fi. The marine recruit needs to work on the pronunciation!!!

9. County Cork, more beer, dancing, more beer, more dancing. Little Head, Knee Deep, Twice Daily, Non Dairy Creamer, Triple Tongue, Short Dick and me sing hash songs on helium. You just can't get good helium anymore. You all would be proud of us!??? Tick Dick and Vise Grips were there too... well at least I think I talked to them..

10.. Thelma and Louise! Yes Little Head, they drive off the cliff at the end of the movie and live happily ever after.. did I say more beer yet..

11.. my head hurts today. over and out!!

say I found one (1) brand new FCH3 shirt, X-large and a pair of nasty smelly ol' shoes on my deck. If any of these items belong to you, email and I will get them to you..